Business cards

I've been in the practice now of handing out business cards for the past few weeks. However, I find myself running into sort of a dilemma when it comes to this... how in the hell do I do it without looking like an asshole?! I've had the following ideas...

1. "Hi there! Your hair looks like shit! You should come see me and let me fix that for you! Have a great day!"

2. "I really love your hair! Therefore, ditch your current stylist and come see me! Or give me their number so I can get my hair done there too!"

3. "I'm still a student, and there's an off chance I could jack your hair up to high heaven, but come give me a try!"

4. "Hello! I'm in hair school, it's cheap, sign a waiver and let me take a crack at it!"

5. "Um, hi there. Here's my card. I'm in school, it's cheap, and I haven't scalped anyone yet."

Seriously, there has to be a better way of doing this! I'm sure it doesn't help that half the time I'm out I'm coming from work wearing sweatpants, no makeup, and have lion hair. That looks SUPER professional. Then, when I'm all dolled up and out, it's in Cincinnati, and who is going to drive to Dayton to get their hair done from all the way down there? That's right, NOBODY!